my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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