i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
