You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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