well I can't set my house on fire every night
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Small penises have feelings too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
