I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize