Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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