fuck your aforementioned shoe
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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