Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
