I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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