your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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