so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
