The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
