Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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