I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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