Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
