im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
