She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
