went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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