a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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