u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your cock deserves a montage
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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