what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
