I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize