So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
