Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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