you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
