I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
