Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
