what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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