Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
