I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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