Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
