Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
