sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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