all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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