did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize