he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
