DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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