u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
