i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
