I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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