we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
