dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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