I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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