I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
