I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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