Dual....:-)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
