I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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