can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
