I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
