what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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