omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still have a little drunk in my system
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
