Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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