So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
