who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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