he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
even my farts smell like vagina
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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