that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
