I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize