someone threw a dead crab at me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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