I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
