I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
