she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize