onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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