I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
