he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
