You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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