he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
