ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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