You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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