Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
