I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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