Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
